Superman vs the Joker
by Gammer
Summary: The Joker has kidnapped Lois Lane and as expected Superman is coming to the rescue. But he soon learns that this clown has more tricks up his sleeve than just joy-buzzers and squirt guns. (Rewrite of their encounter in the DCAU feature "World's Finest)


Superman vs. the Joker

Disclaimer: All Characters belong to DC

Above the night skies of Metropolis, the Earth' protector, Superman was a mere gray blur as he sped towards the city's outskirts. His usual smile and content face was replaced with a focused frown. An hour ago, he had learned that Lois had been captured by the Joker and his goons while on her date uptown with Bruce Wayne. Bruce had done what he could to save her while maintaining his secret identity and Superman appreciated his effort. But it wasn't Lois getting captured that troubled the Man of Steel; it was her captor, the Joker.

His sick jokes and even worse deeds had made him infamous even in Metropolis. As Clark Kent he often spoke with fellow reporter Vikki Vale in Gotham for access to certain sources unavailable to him in Metropolis. And it's from her that he heard of the Joker's various attempts at chaos in Gotham and his frequent battles with Batman. Many of these stories made Superman sick to his stomach. And now that psycho had Lois in his clutches.

"Expect the unexpected," Bruce had warned him before he flew off after the criminal. "Being careful won't be enough."

Superman agreed as much, which is why he swooped past S.T.A.R labs for the lead anti-kryptonite suit built by Professor Emil Hamilton. Despite the suits obvious benefits, Superman was always reluctant to use it. The suit lowered sensation on his body, much like a glove for a hand. The lack of feeling made it difficult for Superman to properly judge the amount of strength in his punches. The suit was also rather fragile, as he learned during his bouts with Metallo. Flying any faster than mach one and the suit would tear apart. But the Joker having twenty pounds worth of kryptonite on his person was a valid enough reason for Superman shelf his personal discomfort with the suit. A part of him couldn't help but wonder where the monster clown found twenty pounds worth of kryptonite to begin with.

It didn't take long for Superman to arrive at the location the Joker sent to Dan Turpin's office, an abandoned Lexcorp facility. Superman had to resist the urge to roll his eyes. Luthor would be involved in this somehow. Did the multi-million dollar mogul really have nothing else to do with his time, money, and intelligence than come up with ways to defeat him?

True to form, the entire facility was lined with lead. Still, lead didn't block his hearing. There were 30 heartbeats within the building. Many came from the random mob enforcers Superman had heard Joker shoehorned into his service. Three of the heartbeats came from the further end of the building. One seemed rather rapid and was accompanied by muffled insults and cries for help. Definitely Lois.

Without a second thought, Superman swooped down, crashing through the ceiling and entering what looked like an old chemical storage room.

"More powerful than locomotive," a gleeful voice in the shadows said. "And just about as subtle."

The clown with the bleached skin emerged, his purple suit and green tie doing little to keep him hidden anyway. Superman eyed this new foe and vaguely wondered what the fuss was about. His skeletal structure was rather meek and looked about as fragile as every other human's on Earth. He had no extraordinary muscle system either. Save for a great deal of oddly mixed chemicals in his bloodstream, the Joker was the same as every human. Superman made his way towards the infamous criminal. The faster this was settled the better.

"Oh, I'm flattered you put on your Sunday best!" Joker said, noting the lead suit.

"The game's over Joker," the Man of Steel said. "If you give up Ms. Lane and surrender peacefully to the authorities, I promise no harm will come to you."

"Oh wow, that boy scout routine is for real."

"This is your last warning."

The clown tapped his chin in false thought. "Hmm….what to do, what to do. How about you feast your eyes on this!"

Just like Bruce said, twenty pounds worth of kryptonite, in the shape of a Chinese dragon, flashed before Superman. He couldn't help but smirk as the radiation failed to penetrate the lead lined suit as expected. The Joker's jaw dropped when he realized the lack of effect. Superman closed the distance between them while the clown waved the stone dragon faster in some futile effort to get it to work. The hero grabbed the clown by the lapels, the criminal's eyes already yielding defeat.

"Like I said, the game is over. Now take me to Ms. Lane."

He was led to an even smaller storage room filled with hydrochloric acid. Superman had to wonder just what Luthor originally used the facility for. Lois was suspended at least six or seven feet above the floor, being held by a hook on the ceiling with a big pink bow serving as her bounds and a gag around her mouth. Other than some superficial bruises and cuts, she seemed unharmed. The visor over the suit's helmet would block his heat vision, so he would just have to free her manually.

"I don't understand," Joker muttered behind him. "I had it all planned perfectly."

You should have came up with something more original than kryptonite, Superman was tempted to respond with, but trading banter with the clown wasn't why he was here. The kryptonian flew up and began to untie the bow. But Lois's muffled cries only seemed to increase. Her heart rate kept climbing. Why? It was over, she was safe.

He pulled off her gag and the reporter voice filled the room.

"Superman, stop! It's a bomb!"

"What?"

"Aw, she ruined the punch-line!" the Joker exclaimed.

The pink bow fell to the ground, revealing Lois's true source of bondage. A bomb-vest strapped to her body kept their by a series of ropes and duct tape. The bow must have been laced some kind of lead to keep him from seeing it. But unlike most bombs, this one had no timer.

"That's a proximity bomb Supey," Joker said with a manic laugh. "If dear Ms. Lane here goes further than a single mile away from me, KABLEWY!"

Superman gritted his teeth.

"Oh, but that's not even the best part," he said, his yellow teeth on full display. "Harley!"

"Right here puddin'!"

Harley Quinn somersaulted into the doorway armed with a bazooka, aimed straight for the Man of Steel. Superman was tempted to ask just what she expected to accomplish with that.

"Smile big blue!" The firearm discharged but rather than a missile, a blast of red energy shot towards the Man of Steel. The energy struck him square in his chest, causing the Last Son of Krypton to cry out as the red energy seemed to cut through his body, going straight for his stored yellow sun energy. When the energy abated, Superman suddenly felt like he weighed a ton. Flight became impossible to maintain and he plummeted to the floor as if he were on Jupiter.

"R-red sun radiation…?" he muttered as the clown approached him.

"Oh but of course," the Joker said. "We spared no expense to make you comfortable. Now how about one more smile?" He squeezed the flower and his lapel, unleashing an acid that quickly ate away at his lead lined suit.

Superman knew what he was up to. He could already feel the kryptonite radiation and if it got any closer he'd be in real trouble. The top half of the suit was gone, exposing his head and chest to the kryptonite; he needed to act fast before it got worse.

"Now, what were you saying about the game being over?" the Joker said, inches away from him.

"If you really think this is a game then….you should know…..I haven't even begun to play." Superman took a deep breath and blew at the Joker like he was blowing out a birthday cake. The clown struggled to keep on his feet, but the sudden and intense air was too much for him. He flew back and struck the wall, the kryptonite dropping from his hands.

"Puddin!" Harley cried. "No fair Superboy! Your powers are supposed to be gone!"

In truth his powers were down to a mere ten percent. Not enough to take on Brainaic or Jax-Ur, or Mala but enough to at least buy some time.

"I cheat," Superman said with a shrug.

The lady clown hoisted up the bazooka for another shot but when she pulled the trigger, only smoke hissed out.

"What the heck is wrong with this thing?"

"Red sun weaponry tends to be a one shot deal," Superman said. "The energy output kills the components in the gun. I guess Luthor didn't tell you that part."

"Uh oh…."

Another blast of wind knocked Harley out of the room. But that still left the kryptonite and the bomb. A stir from the Joker meant that time was running out, once the clown came to, Superman would be back to square one.

His eyes fell to the hydrochloric acid on the shelves. It would have to do; he only hoped his heat vision was still strong enough to melt metal. The heat filled his eyes but other than causing a small hot spot on the metal can no effect. It was as if he was back in his teen years in Smallville. Back then the best he could manage was melting a spoon.

"What's wrong Supey?" the Joker asked as he came to. "Having performance issues?"

He was stuck. Getting close meant getting within range of the kryptonite and his heat vision and breath were too weak to have any effect. He needed a recharge. It was around 10:45 now and there was a third quarter moon outside. The solar reflection of moon could overcome the red radiation energy. He wouldn't be back to full power, at most it would bring back to 60 or 70 percent but it was better than nothing. He only hoped he was still at least slightly fast.

"I'll be back Lois," he said with a reassuring smile. The last kryptonian turned on his heels and bolted for the door. He cleared the railing in a single leap and landed in another large storage area. The door to the facility was wide open giving him a clear shot. But as he approached lightning suddenly struck his chest, knocking him back several yards.

Superman shook his head trying to figure out what just happened, he didn't have to wait long.

"Hey Super-dork, long time no zap!" an all too familiar female voice said.

"Livewire," Superman muttered as he stood. "What are you doing here?"

"Did you really think it would be that easy Stupid-Man?" Joker's voice blared over an intercom. "I haven't begun to play either."

The lights of the room flashed on to reveal Livewire wasn't alone.

"Ladies and murderers, welcome to the big fight! In this corner, barely standing, and in the middle of fleeing we have the Man of Weak Constitution himself! And in the opposing corner, courtesy of Stryker Island we have, Livewire, Solomon Grundy born on Monday, or is it Tuesday? And finally Metallo!"

The three villains are wore gleeful smiles as they made their way towards the weakened Superman. Behind him, the Joker's goons shut the door and closed all the windows, blocking any chance of him catching the moonlight.

"Go get 'em!" the Joker exclaimed.

Now he was in trouble.

AN: Superman: TAS is on this channel called the Hub and a couple days ago they were showing the "World's Finest" episodes. And while I'll always love the DCAU, the way they handled Superman in that particular episode really annoyed me. I understand they needed the plot to work, but making Superman look completely foolish just to sure up Batman and Joker really seemed unfair and unnecessary. The Joker's plan to kill Superman was laughably simple even for him, and has been done so many times, I'm surprised Superman didn't bring it up. How many times has a villain kidnapped Lois to lure Superman into a kryptonite trap? And the fact they let Superman get duped by such a simple plan was just as annoying as was having him at Joker's mercy without even putting up a fight.

So this fic came into creation as my attempt to have a fairer showing and giving each character a chance to shine. This was my first time writing for the Joker so I hope I did him justice. I took some liberties with the DCAU continuity as well. Like Solomon Grundy showing up when he doesn't make an appearance until Justice League. Or Luthor having red sun weaponry. But the latter shouldn't be that much of a stretch. Anyways part two will be up next week if all goes well. Hope you enjoyed this story and please tell me what you think.


End file.
